Wednesday, June 3, 2009
long distance relationships
For all of you bloggers out there who are currently in long distance relationships, how did you do it? I'm slowly starting to go crazy over here. I'm crazy about TLS, but the distance and time difference is really getting to me. How did you handle being in a long distance relationship? What worked and what didn't? How often did you get to see the other person? Did the relationship last? Any words of advice?
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Long distance relationships are tough! For me, the most important thing was communication, and often. Even if we were talking about something as boring as what we ate for breakfast. It made me feel like he was right next to me, when he was really miles away.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has only had LDRs, I do second H.I.T.'s point on communication. It seems like you're putting a lot of pressure on the time difference -- don't. That will just stress you out. Think about why you are actually trying to make it work -- the relationship, not the distance. Enjoy your own life and times. Look forward to and treasure those moments with him when they do arrive. Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteIt is tough, but comment #1 is great. I dated my husband through college and saw him one weekend a month for almost 4 years. Sometimes we still have a long distance relationship because he gets deployed for long periods of time. The last deployment was for 1-1/2 years. If you can talk as often as possible that is the best way. It just takes a while to come up with a schedule because of the time difference. I think we have a different relationship than everyone because we appreciate the time we never fight over the things that most people fight about. If he is your soul mate it is really really worth it.
ReplyDeleteI had one for about 2 years. Honestly it was amazing while we were together, but when we were apart we fought sooo much.. but then again he was the wrong guy.. I think that with the right guy anything is possible... xxxoo
ReplyDeleteI agree with what the other girls said. I also found that talking on the phone and emailing wasn't enough. We actually switched our cell phone plans so we could send unlimited texts and picture texts. This made things feel a lot more normal -- I have no idea why but somehow it was comforting to get little updates (even if I simply wrote "I'm off to the grocery store" or if he texted me while he was out to dinner with friends). Maybe you could try video chat too? We also tried to plan a long weekend once a month where one of us would travel.
ReplyDeleteIt also helps if you know of a defined ending to your long distance relationship (if you're going to be apart indefinitely it makes it more difficult)
The only long distance relationship I've been in we were about 90 miles apart so it wasn't even that much distance. It was all about planning and communicating, unfortunately it was a very unhealthy relationship that never needed to exist in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI do have some good friends though that did long distance for years. The ones that worked seemed to be really good about communicating and talking on the phone. Emails and texts are nice but there's just something different about hearing someone's voice.
Good luck to you! I enjoy reading your blog and hope everything works out for the best :)
I am in a long distance relationship, and it's definitely difficult but there is a lot more technology available to help us out. Using video chat on Gmail is really helpful, because we get to see each other. We make time to talk every day and always schedule the next time we get to see each other so we're not leaving it up in the air.
ReplyDeleteI agree that webcams and Skype are a big help. Constant communication takes time and effort, but it does make things more normal and makes you feel closer to each other. Primarily, see each other as much as possible, even if it doesn't seem like a lot. Sacrificing to see each other will pay off, but make sure not to sacrifice really important things like family or other friendships in the process!
ReplyDeleteWe got iPhones :) and of course unlimited calling, texting, emailing, etc. so every single little stupid (or not) thing we saw, we will send it to the other.
ReplyDeleteI know it sounds cheesy, but we got engaged, married and preggo while being apart, and we are now together :)
Plus when you see each other is kinda more exciting! What doesn't break you, makes you stronger.
Long distance is always tough! My husband and I were apart for 8 months, but we made it through by being committed. I think that is what makes a difference! If you go in thinking it is just a relationship and it may or may not work out and lets try it, then it is really hard... but, if you go in thinking about when you will be together again, then it is easier. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteWe saw each other once a month and talked (usually) twice a day. Once in the morning and once at night. Since you guys have a time difference, I'm not sure how that would work out, but I would talk about and agree on how many times you want to talk so that you know what to expect. Hope that helps!
Hello there!!
ReplyDelete-Skype is an absolute godsend!! It does act up from time to time, but most of the time it works fine. -For me, one thing that has helped is seeing some kind of end to the distance (We've been together 23 months - all LD). At the start we didn't really know when we'd be able to live in the same city, let alone country, but now we have a plan I feel much better.
-Further, texting a lot is good. We couldn't do that for a year, since we were in different countries, but it certainly does help.
- Send eachother letters. It feels so much more genuine to have a handwritten letter that you can touch.
- Once he gave me his spray deodorant, so I can smell him whenever I am down. And he also gave me the detergent they use for their clothes, so now mine smell like his!!
-Little things!! Like, sending eachother gifts without any proper reason (I'm a fan of "Monday gifts"!).
- Big things! Remember eacother on anniversaries or "monthversaries", even if it's just a card, or flowers. I gave my boy an advent calendar for Christmas because I was going away to Africa. The calendar counted down to me coming back instead of Christmas itself.. And he got cool little gifts as well.
- Watch a movie together!!! It might be difficult with time difference and all, but it's awesome!!! It makes you feel normal!
Ok, so this comment became rather long!! I apologise for that! ;) Hope some of it helped a little!! :)
Long distance relationships are no fun. M. and I have been together for three years, and the last year has been a long distance relationship. He sucks at talking on the phone so it hasn't been easy, but he's gradually gotten better. Remember why you decided to stay together despite the distance, enjoy the time that you do get to spend together. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhen hubby and I were dating and engaged we lived anywhere from 4-6 hours away from each other! It was tough but like H.I.T says, talk about EVERYTHING!! We talked ever night, and he would come to see me every other weekend! We have been happily married for 7 years so we are living proof that it does work!! Communication is key!
ReplyDeleteI also like all of Mazzie's ideas!! Hubby gave me one of his shirt while we were dating and engaged and whenever I missed him, I would wear it(smelled just like him)!! Hubby looks like Keanu Reeves so I would watch A Walk In The Clouds all the time!!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a challenge Miss MRM, we did it for more than 2-1/2 years. It was rugged. And there's not anything we can think of to share in addition the comments everyone else has already made, their input is excellent. This is a great topic though, clearly lots of people have, or are currently dealing with it.
ReplyDeleteSmiles at you,
tp
Long distance sucks:( We have done it for almost a year and the funny thing is the more we get to see each other the more we miss each other. We use pic messaging for those "you've got to see this" moments and are on the internet 24/7 chatting on aim. The most important thing in our relationship has been to take it one day at a time, not see it as we have 2 more years apart, but to see it as hey, the funniest thing happened to me today. My bf is such a planner and he had the hardest time grasping this. Another thing we do is celebrate 2 anniversaries (facebook and real, cheesy i know) but it is something stupid that we always enjoy and look forward to. I hope everything works out for you, it will be hard as hell but you will enjoy it so much more when you actually get to see him :) I'm so happy you did this post!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you are going through. If I start to seriously date the guy I've met we will have to do long distance. All I know is that you have to have 100% trust and 100% commitment to communicating and being there for each other. I am here for you!!! (Although I am long distance and a blog friend) Love ya girl!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I moved to San Francisco I had been dating a guy almost a year. We scheduled two times a day we talked - on my way in to work and my way home since I was two hours behind him (other wide he called every few hours). We also texted and emailed a lot. It ended up not working out though. He was a little controlling which wasn't a problem till he felt really out of control and thus tried to get way more controlling from 3,000 miles away. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship!
ReplyDeletemy fiance and i "dated" while he was in Iraq for a year... i was busy doing pahellenic/college stuff and working and it was really tough, but we made it! it takes a lot.
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