A Girl's Got the Right to Change Her Mind

So after swearing up and down on my life that these were the shoes that I was getting for my wedding, I went to Kleinfeld today to pick them up along with a blusher (they had originally forgotten to order me one) and a necklace.

Obviously, it would just not be me if I didn't try on every.single.pair of shoes that had a 3.5" or less heel in the store. (My dress has already been shortened to fit the Manolos.) And you know what? While they were still gorgeous, they just didn't scream MRM as much as I thought they would. And yes, I realize I swore up and down on my life that they were going to be my wedding shoes. But they're not. So sue me. These are.

A Dark Day

The first time I lay eyes on these beauties, I knew they had to be mine one day.

HAD.TO.

I pretty much go weak at the knees at the sight of a good peep-toe, and these shoes made me swoon. The day finally came when I realized that 1) I still had quite a bit of money left over in my Nana's gift fund for me that was meant to cover my dress, veil, and shoes. Enough to cover a pair of Manolos. And 2) that these matched my dress PERFECTLY.

After some serious hunting, I managed to track down a pair in my size and color. I took them out of the box and swoon. I fell in love all over again. Then, I put them on and Oh.My.G-d. They were so painful. I decided to grin and bear it. I took them with me when I went to my dress fitting at Kleinfeld with KMH and TLS's mother and I could barely stand in them through my fitting. The peep toe part also cut into my big toe and pinched it and just ouchie ouchie owie ow. If I could not even stand in them for 15 minutes, no way in heck could I spend a full day in them plus dancing plus alcohol. Today, I had to suck it up, and do the unthinkable.

I returned the Manolos. ::GASP:: It still saddens me just thinking about it. They were without a doubt the most gorgeous, special shoes I have ever owned. Or probably ever will.

Tomorrow, I am off to go pick up my second choice pair of shoes.

Yes I tried these on. And yes they are way more comfortable than the Manolos. And they are $500 less than the Manolos. But oh dear, how I miss those shoes.

date night attire

We've all had our share of bad, cringe-worthy dates. One of the things that I love and hate at the same time is when you are out someplace and you can immediately spot the couple that is on a bad date and you know that there will not be a second date. You can't help but be amused by the guys and feel sorry for the girls in these situations. Tonight, TLS and I went out for dinner at our favorite restaurant in New  York. While this is not an extremely fancy place by any means, but it is a 3 $$$ restaurant on Opentable and is very nice. A perfect date spot.

While we were in there, I noticed a couple on a date. The girl looked very pretty and nicely dressed, and the nicest thing that I could say about him would be to call him a hot mess. Or use much more colorful language if you will. At first I noticed the backwards PBR baseball cap in a restaurant and pointed it out to TLS wondering who would actually wear that to a restaurant. He then replied that the guy was just wearing a white undershirt and that's it. I figured he would probably be wearing jeans or khakis. Wrong again. Track pants. With racing stripes down the sides. And sneakers. The entired time, he sat at the table looking like he was auditioning to play the role of Quasimodo in a play, and also kept his elbows on the table the entire time. Really? really? really???? The girl gets dressed up for a date and he shows up looking like he just got done with a beer pong tournament in the Kappa Sig basement? I told TLS that I was hoping this was not a first date and she knew him well because if a guy had shown up looking like that for a date with me, I would have gotten a mysterious phone call saying that my Nana had fallen and fractured her hip. He said that he hoped it was a first date and the girl would not be seeing him again. Either way, a PSA to any guys who are reading this- if you are going on a date, put some effort into it. Be on your best behavior.

Heart Update

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, emailed me, and expressed concern for me this past month. Today I had my follow up appointment with the cardiologist to get the results of my tests. My blood test came back normal. The heart MRI showed that my aorta is 50% closed at one point. Thankfully, the closing in area is small, so the doctor thinks that it can be repaired with the balloon catheter. It is not what I wanted to hear. In an ideal world, nothing would need to be done to my heart, but I don't live in an ideal world so I will take this alternative over being gutted like a fish. It does not need to be done right this second, but should be done within the next year. I have tabled it for now until the wedding, I have enough stress already thankyouverymuch, and will make this priority #1 as soon as I get back. (I can do my thank you cards from the hospital!) Our hospital here does not do the procedure, so I will get it done at a German hospital about 20 minutes from us. My understanding is that I will need to spend one or two nights in the hospital. Not going to lie, kind of scared about the language barrier. Everything we've heard about Homburg Hospital from Americans is that all of the doctors there speak English, but good luck finding an English-speaking nurse. Oh fun. This is all of the news and information I have for now. I promise to post another update once I know more.

Rabbit Rabbit

Happy March everyone! Today we had a gorgeous sunny, Springy day which instantly brightened my mood. The huge box of wedding invitations that we got didn't hurt either.

Things that I am looking forward to this month:
*Heading back to NYC
*Dinner in Eataly with KMH
*My bridal shower
*A friend's wedding
*Finally getting my wedding shoes!
*Getting my new iphone case in the mail. I have managed to drop my iphone an exorbitant amount of times and now my once-pink case is now white and cracked around the edges.

Calling all ASAs

When I first found out that Vineyard Vines does custom tote bags, I immediately knew that I simply had to have an Alpha Sigma Alpha one. I contacted them about a year or so ago about creating a custom one for us, but it turned out to be too much of a hassle for me. I was disappointed but knew that one day I would own a tote.

My preppy sorority girl dreams were answered today when I logged onto facebook and saw this:

A member of our Theta Gamma chapter at Christopher Newport University is now my personal hero. I mean how perfect is this? I literally squealed with excitement. And immediately told TLS that I would be needing $60. Yes, that's right- this beauty is priced at $35 less than the Vineyard Vines Classic Totes go for on their website. Heaven.

I cannot wait until the day when this wonder arrives in my mailbox.

I figured I cannot possibly be the only one of us out there who has been wishing and hoping for such a tote, so I am posting on here to see if any one else wants a tote as well. Email me and I will let you know about how to order from the girls.

ALAM!

It's My Pity Party and I'll Cry if I Want to?

I will preface this by saying that as I'm typing this, I am still feeling numb and disconnected, so I apologize in advance if this post does not make much sense.

I have written on here before that I had open heart surgery when I was four. My aorta was stuck flat and I needed to have surgery to correct it. (The aorta is the first artery that pumps clean blood from your heart to the rest of your body.) Since then, I have always needed to see a cardiologist for routine checkups every 6 months to a year. In between flat out forgetting to make an appointment, and then getting laid off and losing my health insurance, it's probably been somewhere between a year and a half or two years since the last time I had actually seen my cardiologist. Not good.

Since about a month or so after I got to Germany, we've noticed that every time I get my blood pressure taken, it has always been elevated. After going to the clinic, getting a bunch of tests ordered, getting put on a Beta Blocker, and wearing a heart rate monitor for 24 hours, I was back in a cardiologist's office today. (At this point, I should probably mention that I was on said Beta Blocker for a whopping 48 hours because it ended up doing more harm than good.) My EKG looked good, heart rate was fine. My ultrasound? Not so much.

It looks like after a successful 23 year post-op run, my aorta is starting to close again. The PA who met with us went to get a consult from a doctor and when they both came in the room and told me, I just went NUMB. I can barely tell you what happened for the rest of that appointment, because from then on, it became clear that only TLS was physically capable of talking. The doctor started talking about how I will need to open my aorta either through some sort of balloon catheter thing or through surgery and I just sat there like a statue and all I could think was "now is not the time to cry, don't cry, don't cry." (The balloon will be a lot less invasive and an outpatient procedure versus full on surgery, but that freaked me out enough just the same to the point that I pretty much became mute.) Like I said, from that point on, TLS had to do most of the coherent talking. It definitely got a whole lot better when I found out that our hospital doesn't do the procedure so I would either need to find a German hospital that would do it and be covered by Tricare or go back to the States for this.

We got out of there and I just turned to him and went "I need a margarita." Little did I know that today is actually National Margarita Day. How fitting.

I got home, got in bed with my Teddy and have pretty much stayed here like that all day. Half a pack of Twizzlers and a copious amount of Thin Mints later, I still have not been able to bring myself to cry. All I feel is nothing. Just empty and numb.And very scared.

Sorry to be the Debbie Downer of the day, but I needed to get this all off my chest. Pun not intended.